Please don't use social media to get back at me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
