i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
