Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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