Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
