so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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