he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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