Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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