why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
