No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he fucked my hip out of place.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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