So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
why is half of my head shaved?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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