She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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