bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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