You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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