Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
