you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
