Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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