you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
