My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I would ride that face into the sunset
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
