Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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