Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
