Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize