I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
