is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
