i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
