One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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