I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
