Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
