I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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