Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
