I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize