I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
