Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
cat food counts as protein by the way
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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