Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize