he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
