My nipple is on Facebook.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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