Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just found a bag of teeth...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
