I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You left your phone here
Wait...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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