You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
