my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
