i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
