the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
