the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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