apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
