OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
