this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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