i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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