I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
