that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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