Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
