I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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