well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
