Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
