i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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