yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I wish there were birth control emojis
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize