Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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