mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
