Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
