**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
stop calling my apartment porn island.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
