oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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