Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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