i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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