we're chasing vodka with high fives
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think my moral compass just broke
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
