We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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